Dear Anna, I would like to get my wife into swinging?
I get this question a lot! I tell everyone to go slowly, because swinging is a big change to your relationship!
First, you must understand that this lifestyle is for solid relationships only, if you do not have a solid trusting relationship, this lifestyle is not for you. This lifestyle is not a band-aid for broken relationships, it’s an enhancement to solid honest loving relationships.
Secondly, you should not expect this to all happen overnight, especially if she seems to not be interested in other people, or is sexually shy. Bruce and I took about two years from our first conversation about swinging until we made it out to our first swing club, and we were both very interested.
When you first start to discuss swinging I would make the conversation about her. Ask her if she has ever fantasized about being with another man or having a 3some. Making the conversation about her and what she would like to explore, will remove any threat about you wanting someone else, or more than just her, showing her that you want her to be happy and that you want her to explore her sexuality. Remember that you are moving slow here, so don’t rifle a bunch of questions off at the same time. Bringing up bit-by-bit over a period of time gives her time to get used to the idea and think about it. Depending on how she receives this information you can move on to discussing your fantasies. You might try watching some porn movies together, I would suggest our movies inside our members area of course! There are also some guide to swinging videos out there. There can be a bit cheesy, but it’s a starting point!
As things move along and she is interested, you could suggest meeting a couple, or attending an swinger event, such as a club or party to talk about what its like. At this step, it should just be a meeting only, not a date to get laid. Remember that you need to discuss things as you move forward to make sure that this is something you both want to do. The less pressure on her, the better off you will both be. If you do go to a swing club, I recommend that the first time you go to an off-premise club. That means no sex takes place at the club itself, people usually dress very nicely and it’s a great place to be able to talk to others in a no pressure environment.
House parties and on-premise clubs can be very hard-core and in your face. They can be lots of fun, but if you are trying to ease your wife into the lifestyle, I would not recommend testing the waters by throwing her into a room full of naked people having sex! Lol If someone is new or nervous this can just be too overwhelming.
Most of all, when you meet other swingers, don’t be afraid to ask us questions, and tell us where your boundaries are, we were all beginners at one time, so we don’t mind being asked questions, and we all understand that when couples start out, that they don’t all play right away.
If all goes well, you can also place a personals ad on a swinger lifestyles website. A lot of couples start off stating on their profiles that they are curious only, or that they will have same room sex, but do not want to swap, or that they are soft-swap, which means no vaginal penetration. Every couple has their own rules, and it’s ok for you to start out with a set of rules then over time adjust them to your comfort levels.
Remember in all of this to let her know this is something you want to do with her, she is your life mate, and this lifestyle should never come before her. She will need to know that at every step of the way. Swinging is a couple’s activity, and if you thought picking up woman and getting laid was fun when you were single, wait until you get to do it as a team! You might be surprised about your feelings. I have seen many men work at getting their wife to swing, and once it happens the husband gets jealous. You should know that you will see men flirting with your wife, telling her she is pretty and her reacting to them as she might have done with you. Bruce always tells guys that you will hear your wife make the same noises with other guys in bed that she makes with you, or even louder than she might be with you, after all this will be exciting for her too!
I know I mentioned this before, but I can not over stress how important this is! Swinging will not work as a band-aid for your relationship!! If you are having problems, having sex with other people will not solve them. In the end, you both need to know that you have chosen each other as life partners, now you are just looking for a few extra playmates. 
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